5:43 p.m. - 2006-01-24
wish i could but i can't.
I CANNOT WAIT TO GET BACK TO MY DRUM LESSONS. BUT I've got NOBODY TO JAM WITH! @#^&*$(. anybody up for it?
okay. forget about that. here come my rants...
" break up with him la! "
words that cld be heard frm a dozen ppl after seeing my face this morning. yes, i had another sleepless night. over what? you should know.
we had the biggest fight last night. probably the climax of any relationship. he even said why the hell did i want him yet get so angry with him..
doesn't he realize its a girl's natural reaction to her own boyfriend ?? i mean, he says sweet crap on a handphone. in school he refuses to talk to me. he refuses to look at me.
WHY ?
because he's shy. SHY! I'm the one that should be shy!! ARGH.
he also said that he wasnt going to dump me, because he doesnt want people to think he " did this just for fun ".
meaning he doesnt want his reputation to go down.
meaning he's regretting going for the four in a gang. me, waiyan, eulynn and mel.
and what was my reply as to why i still wanted him?
"because i love you" was what i said.
and what did he say?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
when people called him over, when he was just reight beside me, looking in his eyes was the hardest thing to do, knowing that i loved him yet he; had stopped loving me..
with the simple saying of "WHAT?!" when people asked him to talk to me, with the rude notion that he fell asleep while talking to me, with the " look " he gave other people who even mentioned my name; it all just got to me. i can't take it ; but i can't break up with him..
I can't cry. Because i already did; about a million times. Thank GOD for my friends, the ones that gave me a shoulder to cry on. even the ones who although tried, "didnt know how to cheer me up"
It sometimes made me wonder why i even said yes in the first place.
but now i've got the answer.
The answer to everything.
The answer to why i cried because of him.
The answer to why i even said yes.
The answer as to why i've fallen to pieces over this..
I love him
...
click previous over n over to read the saga's of my... "life" ..
