9:56 p.m. - 2006-01-12
*screech* i cant take this anymore !
WHY CANT I JUST BE PULLED INTO A LONG SLEEP OF ETERNITY. WHY AM I SUCH A FRIGGIN USELESS BITCH? WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TO TRY WHEN I KNOW THAT THERE'S NO POINT....
thing is, im tired of being who i am. i wanna be who i wanna be. who that is, i dont really care.
do i have friends that love me? yes. and frankly im so glad that i have them. but honestly, i feel hurt, lost, ditched. even when i wasnt..
i've got so many raw feelings inside of me that i really need to get out. sincerely. i'm such an unforgiving, proud,boastful ...etc. person. i used to be somebody who didnt give two hoots about the person next to me but yet i felt so hurt when they did the same to me.
i'm in a word, arrogant? proud? whatever. i need a change. and honestly, i have been praying. i dont know how many times i've said "lord, please make me humble. more humble than i already am. in jesus' name." yet does that work? No. it doesn't . i guess it's a time over thingy. but i really hate this crap. i hate my class. i hate the fact that it seems like everyone else is going to be a friggin prefect whilst im not. even though i want to be.
i know that sounds stupid.. like, ME? a prefect? no way...but..sigh, its true. i do want to be. but i dont know if god will grant me my prayer. i have like a million billion other prayers and it seems he's answered them even before i asked..
for example, estee and intan in my class. :)
i just love having the both of them in it. they're like my lifesavers. wait, not LIKE my lifesavers..they ARE my lifesavers!!!!!!!!!!
ehehe. okay... im so NOT going to be depressed over a guy.
i'm so NOT going to be depressed over this stupid prefect thing
i'm so NOTTTTTT going to bloody get depressed over this stupid monitor/asst thingy.
and i'm SO.NOT.GOING.TO.SWEAR!!!
and i'm so going to church..
wokeh. my resolutions keep changing huh.
o well!
xoxo;
p/s. if you want to see the entries before the last 5, jus keep on clicking previous till u hit the one u want. toodles!
