8:17 p.m. - 2006-01-11
*relax.breathe.calmdown!*
mmft. so, life isnt all you always sum it up to be. i dont know why i'm feeling so depressed...but then i've always had my up's and down's.. i wish it didnt happen quite so often, though... i'm feeling so...mixed up? lost? confused. being made AJK tingkatan 2 just made me ccry even more. i dont want to move...
it seems like i'm going to have to take that hurdle and jump over it; realize that things are not as bad as they seem. for example, im going to have to get over my kiasu stage. im not kiasu in marks, im kiasu in different things. things that i won't list here because i'm just not in the mood to make it publicised. i mean, its like i have this one special thing that i go for. and everybody in it wants to make it open..but now that a few more people have joined i'm starting to feel so...over protective.
@#%^$&*() WHYYYY.
i know God said he'd never leave me nor forsake me. But why can't i call out to him? Why doesn't he seem to be hearing me?
okay, i just answered my own question.
" just because i dont seem to be there, doesnt mean that i'm not. "
in god's own words..:)
but..well to sum up how i feel..
have you ever felt like you dont want that particular person to dislike/hate you?
have you ever felt like waking up to a brand new day SUCKS and all you want to do is jam the pillow over your head and rest for eternity ?
have you ever felt like life is just one big game, what's the point of playing it?
have you ever felt so alone that you just want to cry with somebody but there's nobody to cry with?
well, you aren't alone.. guess whose feeling that way?
*shoots hand very fast in the air*
you guessed it..
*mutter grumble*
i do think im getting depressed over nothing;
yet again it could be something.
i think god blessed me greatly this year. quite honestly. he did!
yet i dont seem to be enjoying his blessings.
i dont seem to be doing anything , really...
sometimes im overjoyed and i smile too much..
but that's just the outside... the inside is a whole new thing..
yet i want show the world that jesus is my saviour. i really do. which is why from now im going to have to shine on the outside AND the inside.
i'm going to relax a bit. forget about things. im NOT GOING TO BE NEGATIVE! i'm NOT GOING TO SKIP CHURCH! i'm NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THAT ANNOYING VOICE IN MY HEAD TELLING ME TO SKIP CF.
i am NOT going to get depressed over a guy;
NO MORE.
oh indeed, another set of new year's resolutions..
*giggle* well that made me feel better. :)
